Was that a knock in the engine?

Was that a knock in the engine?
I’ve taken a gamble. I’ve dropped a significant amount of cash; a.k.a everything; into a concessions trailer. Briefly, this requires living beyond my means. Let’s add a dash of grossly overdue, maintenance visits to a general practitioner and a dermatologist. Add a pinch of insurance coverage that pays out like a 3 card Monte. Comlete the dish with a soupcon of there wasn’t a whole lot of throw around money there to begin with. If I can cover the spread for the next couple of months it will have been worth the risk. Now is not the time for... Of course, that’s a knock in the engine!

What’s up with that?

What came first, the expectation or the egg? Could it be that chiming in with the “work sucks” gang Mon-Fri and straining against the yoke might eventually manifest as a life scramble? If “coincidences” are perpetual are they coincidental? If tomorrow is directly influenced by my meditations from today how can I convince the universe that I am ecstatic for the opportunity to spend 45 hours a week at a job that, regardless of appearances, is…great? It’s not. It’s just NOT. I mean, it is but it isn’t. It’s really not. It sucks and it’s awesome? How can I also convince myself that I don’t, really, want to scream; bang my head against a wall; swing?

Is it sensible to entertain the notion that the universe needs to believe me when I say that I am grateful? There are folks that I've met while at work for whom I am grateful. I'm grateful for the paycheck. I'm grateful to have gainful employment as an artist. Surely all that gratitude balances out my tendency to get pissy over the minutiae. If it doesn't, dear universe, please don't take it out on the concession trailer.

Will the universe fall for it if I lie? Does the universe take effort into consideration? Do I get points for showing up and doing a good job? Where do I redeem those? Can they be traded for cash?